Though it is impossible, each and every day felt far
longer than twenty-four hours to me. There was nothing to do but simply lie on
my hospital bed with one IV fluid pole and one for blood transfusion. I also
had another wire wrapped around my finger, to check my pulse, and as if this
wasn’t stressful enough, nurses coming in and out to give and draw blood, while
checking my blood pressure. I felt less like a person and more like an
electronic device, plugged into an outlet to charge, recover, and feel better.
Despite the fact that I was
unaware of my surroundings due to the immense pressure on my brain,
specifically the hypothalamus and pituitary glands, I remember the sound of
nurses walking in and out of my room, constantly surrounding me. Even if I were
in the deepest, most comfortable sleep of my life, I would wake up when the
nurses flushed my IV. I not only heard them around my bed, but I smelled the
saline that they used to clean and flush my IV. My sense of smell was very
sensitive at this time, and I dreaded having my IV flushed.
The only time I was somewhat
content, maybe even happy, comfortable, and at ease was when my child life
specialists entered the room. I suddenly felt like this mundane hospital world
had ended and that anything was possible.
At this point in my lifetime,
so many obstacles stood in my way, thus making so much physically impossible
for me to do. I could not walk, talk, smile- (my smile was only raised on the
right side of my face since the brain surgery impaired the duties of the left
side of the brain). I could not eat on my own, sit up on my own, go to the
restroom, or even take a shower on my own. I was also restrained from drinking
any fluid, though I was dying of thirst. I needed assistance with every single
action I took. I felt helpless and restrained from living at this point. My
child life specialists: Vicky and Katie, allowed me to break free from all of
it; they were the light at the end of the tunnel.
When they entered my room with
a cart full of toys, games, and arts & crafts, decisions were finally all
up to me. For once, it wasn’t up to the doctors to determine what was best for
me. I got to choose which activities I wanted to do and, for once, I did not
need anyone’s help making this decision. I remember one day, I choose to paint
a giraffe on a small canvas. This particular day was my final Chemotherapy
treatment and most definitely one to celebrate. My child life specialists
printed out a picture of a giraffe for me to reference and set up all the paint
colors that I had asked for. I spent hours painting and blending every color to
perfection, although I noticed myself beginning to feel nauseous from the aroma
of the paints, I kept going anyway: as you can tell, I never give up.
Right after I finished the masterpiece painting, I motioned for my
Child Life Specialists to move the materials as quickly as possible. In pretty
much one giant handful, they grabbed all of the art supplies just in time. I
got sick all over the place and luckily my art was not ruined. It now hangs on
the living room wall of my home.
Cancer took all aspects of
being a typical, healthy teenager away from me. I was no longer worrying about what
outfit I was going to wear to school, or that nerve wracking history test I
had. I now had major issues to think about, worrying about myself- whether or
not I took the right pills at the right time and with the right foods, and
would I ever be able to walk, talk, or smile again? More importantly, was I going to survive? These were all
questions that constantly ran through my head like a movie on instant replay.
Doing art projects was a
healing experience for me throughout my cancer treatment. It took my mind away
from the deep, cold, and dark world of cancer and into a happy, warm state of
mind. This was the only experience that fully took my mind of cancer and
somewhat back to being a regular child. I give my Child Life specialists full
credit for introducing me to this notion of healing through art, and I continue
to do it to this day.
More often than not, I
complete my art pieces when I am not feeling that well or have a lot on my
mind. It allows me to escape how I am feeling, just like it had previously
allowed me to escape the truths of cancer. I always feel a bit better after
working.
I want to make it clear that cancer
does not end on the last day of treatment; I will forever have after affects
from it. It is a long and bumpy healing process, in which art helps me get
through. The day I went to Jerry’s Artarama art store, I bought more supplies than
I could even possibly need, and I literally treasure each one. Each pen,
marker, jar of paint, brush holds its place in my extra-large black art box. I
blend all of these techniques along with additional tools, such as a hair comb
for texture and an embossing machine to accentuate every last detail, to create
a masterpiece of its own.
Each one of my pieces, so far
there are 24 in total, hold their own meanings. For example, Cancer, is an art piece I created in May
of 2010, specifically for cancer survivors filled with thoughts on bravery,
hope, perseverance, and love. The website where I sell my art is:
http://www.redbubble.com/people/jayheart . Each piece that I have completed is
inspiring, creative, colorful, and full of hope and love.
A portion of the proceeds from my art sales,
this year, will be donated to the Susan Cancer Fund, which offers college
scholarships to young survivors of cancer, like myself.
Since I found the organization
and resources so helpful through my own journey with cancer and beyond; I
decided to give back this particular fund, so that survivors can continue to benefit
from it, because I know that I truly do. So far, in the past years, I have
raised $2,100 for the Ulman Cancer Fund, and $800 for the i2y cancer
organization, and I plan to keep creating art for a different cause each year.
In the process, I have
received really personal and touching email responses from those I know and even
do not know about how my art helps them to heal. I can then acknowledge the
impact of the art that I am creating, not only on the organizations that I am
helping- but also on the people, or survivors, who have purchased it. I have inserted some of the feedback I received from customers.
Suzette Miller Tomaska August
20
Your work is gorgeous. I will
definitely share with my Facebook contacts. I am tempted to buy one for my
office. God Bless you and may you have continued health and strength!
Katharine Macomber August 4 at
6:12pm
Hey Jamie! I've been looking at
your artwork recently and I want you to know that I really think I'm going to
order a poster! I'm going to school on August 18th and when I get there I'm
gonna show my roommates your gallery and we'll pick one out for our dorm!!
You're work is absolutely amazing, you are such an inspiration and this is
such a great cause that you're donating money to!! I'm glad to hear that you're
doing well, and I hope that you'll make more artwork in the future, you're so
talented!!! Thank you Jamie! ♥
Art is essential in
my life; and it is a three- fold- process. I create art as a way of healing
through the aftermath of cancer. In return, cancer survivors who have purchased
my art inform me that they benefit from the beauty and inspiration of it.
Different organizations benefit from the proceeds of my art sales being
donated. Fans and supporters of the foundations that I have helped also benefit
in the long run, because my donations will help to keep these foundations up
and running, hopefully forever. I
believe that my experiences in creating, marketing, and selling my own
handcrafted art will also be valuable as a future Art Therapist. I have gotten lots
of feedback from friends but, mostly from strangers, which then inspires me to continue creating
art. Here are some of the greatly appreciated comments that I have received:
Lindsay Meisels July 12 at 1:50am Report
Hey Jamie,
I wanted to let you know I admire
your bravery so much and I think this great what you are doing. I would LOVE to
help in any way i can..fundraisers etc... I myself battle with a disease called
CMT (Charco Marie Tooth) and i know how hard it is being a teenager with a
disease.. You are so strong and I admire that greatly... Let me know if you
need help with fundraisers and what not
Sincerely,
Lindsay
Amelia Hackett November 3 at 11:40pm
Hey Jamie! Im Amelia! I heard your
story from when i went to the doctors and saw one of you drawings and i fell in
love with your talent!! and your story touched my heart! God Bless.
Cathy Smerdon Rezmer August 3
at 8:56pm
Jamie ~ My name is Cathy, I found
your Facebook profile somehow from cancerkicker.org. I am very glad that I did! Your art is
AMAZING, and you are AMAZING!!!! My son was eight years old when he was
diagnosed with Neuroblastoma. To make a very looonnnggg story short, Shane
fought his cancer for over ten years. He set goals for himself, and he reached
a lot of them. They are what I think kept him going most of the time. His
cancer became to powerful for him to fight (but not before he was able to
graduate high school (something no one ever thought he would be able to do),
and move away and go to college for a month). Shane died six years ago when he
was eighteen. He beat the odds that were given him so many times. Your story
has made me think of Shane a lot. You are a fighter, and a survivor, and you
are helping others along the way. I know Shane would have done the same.
Keep on fighting, staying healthy,
and creating (they are beautiful!!)
Cathy
Gemma Hart-Hobman July 24 at 3:25am
Hi Jamie
WOW saw your art, AMAZING. I'm in
isolation right now and they are a well-needed breath of fresh air! Congrats on
beating cancer :D -Gemma
I still find it extremely
inspiring that people I do not even know open the door to share their personal
stories of how cancer affected their lives with me. I feel honored. It was
shocking to me, to have received so many messages (this is just a handful of
the bunch) since I had not expected my art to make such a difference in anyone’s
personal life.
The feedback I get, and the influence that my art has had
not only on the foundations I help, but also on the lives of others, makes me
happy and even more proud, each and every day, that I am a survivor, a Braveheart.
I, personally, will never know the reason why I got brain cancer in
the first place, but I can’t change the past, nor can I dwell on the past, all
I can do is keep moving forward. Now that I’m attending Wheelock College in
Boston, a different route has paved my career path. I am on the journey of
becoming an inspiring mentor and therapist for children.I will never give up.